Idiomas
Páginas
Jurídico
Secciones de textos Seccion 1:respestas anzuelo ... 4 Seccion2:da siguiente ............ 10 Seccion3:haciendo planes. ..... 13 Section4:respuestas doradas . 18 Seccion 5:ponindolo sexual ... 25 Seccion 6:situacionales .......... 30 Seccion 7:humor aleatorio ...... 35
2012, todos los derechos reservados primera edicion The 99 Best Texts of ALL TIME
by Bobby Rio (TSB Magazine) and Rob Judge (Date Hotter Girls, LLC) 2012, All
Right Reserved
Este libro incluye copyright 2012 con todos los derechos
reservados. Es ilegal copiar, distribuir, o crear obras
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entiende que la informacin contenida en este libro es
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deber ser considerado para uso legal o personal.
4
Seccion 1
Respuestas anzuelo
T e x T # 9 9 Texto de un hit asombroso
te gustan las pias coladas y/o correr bajo la lluvia?
T e x T # 9 8 eL geNeRadOr dE peQueos
Cules son tus sentimientos a cerca tener un pequeo?
5
R es p o ns e Bait
T e x T # 9 7 roJo o bLanCo ?
Cul es tu vino favorito?
T e x T # 9 6 G i r L s G O t t a L e n t
I have a sneaking suspicion that youre an in-the-closet creative nerd. What secret talent do you possess?
T e x T # 9 5 P u P P y e y e s t e x t
Most important question ever: do you prefer big dogs or small dogs?
6
R es p o ns e Bait
T e x T # 9 4 a b s u r d W e e k e n d P L a n s
Weekends here! Finally time to smoke some crack, steal some cars, get busted on a few counts of racketeering, and maybe bake some gingerbread cookieswhat you up to?
T e x T # 9 3 M u s i c P i r a t e F i r s t M a t e
Bored at workgive me a good jam to ille- gally download on the company computer
T e x T # 9 2 t e x t i n G a F O r e i G n e r
Even your texts have a weird accent where are they from?
7
R es p o ns e Bait
T e x T # 9 1 L a u G H i n G @ b a d M O v i e s
Please tell me that you DONT secretly go to the Twilight movies
T e x T # 9 0 W e a L L t H i n k i t
Am I the only one who finds perverse pleasure when assholes from high school get fat? (Thank you Face- book!)
T e x T # 8 9 i n k e d d O G G y s t y L e
Im considering getting my dog a tramp stamp do you know any good tattoo artists?
8
R es p o ns e Bait
T e x T # 8 8 d e a d a n y W ay , L a s t r e s O r t
I feel like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense lol am I a ghost? Do you respond to texts from dead peo- ple?
T e x T # 8 7 G O O d L u c k c H a r M
Red or black? Quick!
T e x T # 8 6 L e a r n t O s P e a k W O M a n
I just overheard a girl calling some guy a ran- dom creeper. Can you translate this womanese for me?
9
R es p o ns e Bait
T e x T # 8 5 s H e s a c H a r M i n G L a s s
What sorts of things do you do when you arent charming the pants off dreamy guys named [your name]?
10
Section 2
The Day After
T e x T # 8 4 a t t a c k O F t H e c O u G a r s
Things got pretty wild after you left last nightsome ag- gressive cougar grabbed my butt! And I have the hand- prints to prove it! Rob, that dashing man from [venue]
T e x T # 8 3 P O r L a t i n a L O v e
Hola! Encantado de concorele! Mucho gusto ;) Rob
11
The Day A fter
T e x T # 8 2 b a d G i r L , G O O d t e x t
Hey badasswhen you get bailed out of jail, hit me up
T e x T # 8 1 u n d e r s t a t e d a W e s O M e
For lack of a more Shakespearean first text, just wanted to say its Rob and enjoyed meeting you last night!
T e x T # 8 0 t e x t i n G a n O n y M O u s
I was trying to kick my text addiction, but decided to relapse just for you
12
The Day A fter
T e x T # 7 9 W i L d n i G H t
After last night we owe a large debt to karma. Im a little scared.
T e x T # 7 8 s O u L - d e s t r O y i n G F u n
I think I sprained my soul last night
13
Section 3
Making Plans
T e x T # 7 7 d i v e b a r M a t H e q u a t i O n
Monday night = dive bar night. You = my date. Lets get a drink later!
T e x T # 7 6 r O M a n t i c e x P L O r e r
Come join me for a romantic adven- ture. Will be funlet me know ;]
14
M aking P l ans
T e x T # 7 5 P H O n e b O O k n O s t a L G i a
Wow, just scrolling through my phone and realize we never met up. So tragic. Lets do something about that; what you doing later?
T e x T # 7 4 s i M P L e d i r e c t n e s s
Drinks? Later?
T e x T # 7 3 n e r d L O v e F O r t W O
Theres a nerdy movie I want to see, but I need a cute nerdy girl to watch it withknow any?
15
M aking P l ans
T e x T # 7 2 b a c k t O t H e O L d d a y s
Lets be traditional and enjoy an old fashioned drink together
T e x T # 7 1 t H e i r O n c H e F O F L O v e
Cancel your plans tonightI am preparing you a culinary experience that will rock your face off
T e x T # 7 0 d e L i c i O u s s u r P r i s e
Tonight I will plan everything. All I need to know is if you have peanut allergies everything else will be a surprise!
16
T e x S ectio n Title
T # 6 9 c O O k i n G u P L O v e
Slaving over a hot oven for you lady! What time are you free tonight?
T e x T # 6 8 G i r L W i t H a d O G
How about me, you, my dog, and your dog go on a double date?
T e x T # 6 7 t a k e t H e P L u n G e
Shark weeks over. Its safe to go out again. Meet for drinks? Later?
17
T e x M aking P l ans
T # 6 6 M O c k G a n G b a n G e r s
Yo gangsta, when are we gonna go on that crime spree?
T e x T # 6 5 d at e P L a n n e r c O M P L i M e n t
Will your wit and charm be making an appearance tonight at [venue]?
18
Section 4
Golden Responses
T e x T # 6 4 d O n t d r i n k t H e H a t e r a i d
Dont. Hate.
T e x T # 6 3 i n s u L t t u r n a r O u n d
If by inappropriate you mean utterly charming, then youre right ;]
19
G o ld en R es p o ns es
T e x T # 6 2 H e a r t H r u t H e G r a P e v i n e
Can only tell you over a glass of wine.
T e x T # 6 1 s O M u c H i n c O M M O n
You like (something you like)?! Its as if you know my soul!
T e x T # 6 0 G O O d b a b i s M s t O k n O W
These are good [girls name]-isms to know
G o ld en R es p o ns es
20
T e x T # 5 9 M i s u n d e r s t O O d H u M O r
You thought I was serious. Wow. Let me explain absurdity over a strong drink
T e x T # 5 8 t e x t u a L W i s d O M
Your texts are always packed with Confucius-esque wisdom
T e x T # 5 7 n O r e s P O n s e b r e a k e r
You know I love shy girls and here you are acting like one!
G o ld en R es p o ns es
21
T e x T # 5 6 t e x t c O M P L i M e n t You know, our text convos are so good that 100 years from now high school kids will study them like they now read Shakespeare
T e x T # 5 5 a M a z i n G t e x t s
Where did you learn to text like this? Its like you channel the ghost of Voltaire with your thumbs
T e x T # 5 4 H a r d t O G e t t e x t
Why you always playing hard to get lady?
G o ld en R es p o ns es
22
T e x T # 5 3 a F t e r a b O M b
On a scale from 1 to 10, that text was abysmal
T e x T # 5 2 F L a k e b u s t i n G 1 0 1
Youre sick? Heres the cureSTRONG DRINKS WITH HOT GUYS NAMED [your name]. See you at 8?
T e x T # 5 1 M a s s t e x t H a t e r
Mass texts are about as polite as punches in the face
G o ld en R es p o ns es
23
T e x T # 5 0 a F t e r H i L a r i t y
Hilarious! I wish my phone had a laugh trackthat was comedy gold!
T e x T # 4 9 a F t e r s W e e t n e s s
How many other guys did you text that to? ;]
T e x T # 4 8 a F t e r b u L L s H i t
The lady doth protest too much me- thinks
G o ld en R es p o ns es
24
T e x T # 4 7 s L O W t e x t e r
Is the Pony Express delivering your texts?! You take forever to respond! Dont think so much about itjust text!
T e x T # 4 6 r e q u e s t L i n e
Wear the black dress you know I love!
25
Section 5
Getting Sexual
T e x T # 4 5 s e x y c O M M a n d O
Wish you were here to cuddle under a blanket, drink wine, and watch a Rambo movie
T e x T # 4 4 P i L L O W F i G H t c H a L L e n G e
On a scale from 1 to awesome, how would you rate your pillow fighting ability?
26
G e t ting S ex ual
T e x T # 4 3 s H e s s i c k , y O u r e s i c k e r
Youre sick? Well Id still make out with you shamelessly. Even if you had the Ebola virus.
T e x T # 4 2 H O t n e s s r e q u s t
The question is sexy lingerie? and the answer is yes!
T e x T # 4 1 H O L i d a y c H e e r
Tis the season to be cuddlingdont be a Grinch with your cuddles!
27
G e t ting S ex ual
T e x T # 4 0 c H d d L e c a L L - O u t
How good are your cuddling skills?
T e x T # 3 9 s e x y O r t r a d i t i O n a L
Needed: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. It will be a night of greatness or tragedy. Orrrrrrrr we can just go out to dinner ;]
T e x T # 3 8 F u n n y & s e x u a L
I just want to cradle you in my arms and feed you applesauce
28
G e t ting S ex ual
T e x T # 3 7 n e W y e a r s t r e n d s
I heard making out with dreamy guys named [your name] is IN for 2012
T e x T # 3 6 O b v i O u s L y s e x u a L
Wont answer that. I prefer to have an aura of mystique surrounding me and my penis
T e x T # 3 5 c u d d L e t i M e
What are you doing right now and how can we add some cuddling to that?
29
G e t ting S ex ual
T e x T # 3 4 b a c k t O t H e d a y s . . .
Lets take a field trip back to the days when making out was considered risqu
T e x T # 3 3 M a s s a G e t H e a r P y
Its 10:23 on a Monday morning and Im in the mood to give some charming lady a mas- sage
30
Section 6
Situational
T e x T # 3 2 a r r i v i n G t O a d a t e
Just got here look for man holding the bushel of flowers in front of the Mexican string quartet play- ing love ballads in your honor
T e x T # 3 1 b a d d r u n k b e H a v i O r
Drunk me was misbehaving last night. My apologies for the poor behavior. Sober me gave him a stern lecture this morning and it WONT happen again
S it uatio nal
31
T e x T # 3 0 O u t O F t O u c H Sorry Ive been MIAworking hard so we can have that house in the hills, white picket fence, and 2.5 children
T e x T # 2 9 F u n n y n e W y e a r s t e x t
My New Years Resolution is to start texting in the third person. [Your name] wants to see you later for some hot magic at the [venue] .
T e x T # 2 8 W O r k i n G , W i t H L O v e
I have to work tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
S it uatio nal
32
T e x T # 2 7 W i n t e r d a t e t e x t
The colder it gets, the better hot chocolate tastes. Meet me later for a winter wonderdate.
T e x T # 2 6 b e s t b i r t H d a y t e x t
Its birthday season! Act surprised when the midg- et pops out of the cake I sent youmy way of say- ing happy birfday!
T e x T # 2 5 P r e - G a M e t e x t
WARNING: This is the last sober text you will receive from me for the night. Admire the grammar, spelling, and punctuation while it lasts!
S it uatio nal
33
T e x T # 2 4 a F t e r M e s s i n G u P
What are you doing Sunday? My lackluster per- formance last night was intentional: it can only go up from here!
T e x T # 2 3 c H r i s t M a s J O k e r
I just realized how bossy the guy who sings We Wish You a Merry Christmas comes off. Hope he never got that figgy pudding, what a demanding prick!
T e x T # 2 2 n e W y e a r s H i L a r i t y
Text from the future (dont open until next year) wanted to say Happy New Years to you before youre bombarded with mass texts
S it uatio nal
34
T e x T # 2 1 r e s P O n s i b L e G i F t s
Im just gonna stay home for my birth- day. Its my b-day gift to my liver.
T e x T # 2 0 n O s u b t L y a t a L L
Heres a hint of the gift I got you: its hard to gift-wrap an orgasm.
35
Section 7
Random Humor
T e x T # 1 9 b a d F a c e H a i r d a y
My friend just tried to convince me to grow a han- dlebar mustache. He was overwhelmingly unsuc- cessful. Do you have any feelings on mustaches?
T e x T # 1 8 O L d c r e e P e r c O M M e n t a r y
Just saw an old man on a scooter w/ kneepads checking out babes. Made my morning
36
R and o m Hu m o r
T e x T # 1 7 M O c k i n G c O r P O r a t e
Sweatpants to job interview = poor life decision
T e x T # 1 6 b e i n G a n a r i s t O c r a t
In the penthouse, listening to Mozart, sipping aged Scotch, thinking of you
T e x T # 1 5 d i s t a n t M e M O r i e s
I was just reminded me of you. Wow
37
R and o m Hu m o r
T e x T # 1 4 b a s e d O n a t r u e s t O r y
Confession: The Twilight films are loosely based on my life
T e x T # 1 3 F a M i L y W e i r d n e s s
My grandfather just slipped me a condom. Our relationship went from 0 to awkward FAST!
T e x T # 1 2 b e s t L O O k i n G c H i L d r e n
Lets spawn some Zoolander-looking chil- dren togetherkeep your day planner open!
38
R and o m Hu m o r
T e x T # 1 1 r O c k s t a r s
Lets start a rock band. Can you learn the drums by Tuesday?
T e x T # 1 0 s H O O t G u n t e x t i n G
Is it possible to get married over text? Because if I have another beer, that might sound like a great life decision
T e x T # 9 F e a r O F n i n J a s
There may or may not be a ninja in my room right now
39
R and o m Hu m o r
T e x T # 8 s t a r b u c k s M u s i c s u c k s
The music in Starbucks makes me want to slit my wrists. Please tell me you will join me in my hatred of sappy Starbucks music!
T e x T # 7 s a t u r d a y n i G H t F e v e r
Tonight you will see the greatest dance moves from a heterosexual manOF ALL TIME
T e x T # 6 F u n n y s e L F - d e P r e c a t i n G
Actually, you dont want to see me. I reached an all time low drinking 4loco out of a Gatorade bottle
R and o m Hu m o r
40
T e x T # 5 H O L d O n t O t H a t F e e L i n G
Please tell me you havent stopped believing per the advice of Journey
T e x T # 4 d a y d r e a M s O F H e r
Ahh, bored at work. Would much rath- er be wrestling alligators with you
T e x T # 3 c O F F e e a d d i c t
I need Starbucks rehab. 3 times today, and Im STILL craving some vente love
R and o m Hu m o r
41
T e x T # 2 b r e a k F a s t O F c H a M P s
Just ate a pancake that changed my life
T e x T # 1 t H u M b L O v e
Texting you makes my thumbs happy