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Why we love to worry, and whatto do about it

by Sunada Takagi

Janet, a

woman in

one of my

mindfulness

classes, was

feeling

nervous. She

was afraid of

speaking up

in class. It

was a fairlylarge group

20 people and she felt self-conscious about the

prospect of so many eyes on her. But she also worried

that by staying silent, she wasnt taking part enough in

the supportive community that was forming. And

thinking these thoughts made her worry all the more.

I reassured her that there was no requirement to speak

up. Everyone was free to talk or not, to the extent they

felt comfortable. Just listening in was perfectly OK. Herpresence alone was what mattered. But she couldnt

stop fretting about it.

I think we all have a bit of Janet inside us. We start

with a little uneasiness about something, and before

we realize it, it grows bigger and bigger. Even when we

know its irrational, we feel pulled in by it.

Whats going on here?

It was a huge relief to me when I first learned of the

phenomenon called negativity bias. In short, our brains

are wired to focus more on our bad feelings than the

good. Its a survival instinct that comes from our

caveman days. It was far riskier to miss noticing a

potentially dangerous situation like a predator than

a pleasant one like a beautiful sunny day. So were

biologically programmed to zero in on anything that

seems not quite right.

Porque nos encanta preocuparnos, yque hacer al respecto.

Por Sunada Takagi

Janet, una de las participantes en una demis clases sobre la atencin consciente,se senta nerviosa. Le daba miedo hablardelante de la clase. Era un grupobastante grande-de unas veintepersonas-y se senta cohibida de solopensar que las miradas de los demsestaran sobre ella. Por otra parte,tambin le preocupaba quedarse callada,ya que senta no estar participando losuficiente en la solidaria comunidad enciernes. El tener estos pensamientos lahacan que se preocupase ms aun.

La tranquilice dicindole que hablar noera obligatorio. Cada quien deba desentirse libre para hablar en la medida enque se sintiese bien. No haba ningninconveniente con simplementeescuchar. Bastaba con su presencia en elgrupo. Sin embargo no poda dejar deinquietarse.

Pienso que todos tenemos un poco deJanet en nuestro interior. Comenzamoscon un poco de intranquilidad en relacincon algo, y antes de que nos demoscuenta, se hace ms y ms grande. Auncuando pueda parecernos irracional, nossentimos atrados irresistiblemente.

Qu sucede?

Fue un gran alivio para m cuando por

primera vez me enter del fenmenollamado prejuicio negativo. En resumen,nuestros cerebros estn estructuradospara enfocarse ms en nuestrossentimientos negativos que en lospositivos. Es un instinto de supervivenciaque traemos desde la poca de lascavernas. Era mucho ms arriesgadopasar por alto alguna situacin depotencial peligro-como un depredador-

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In our modern day, we rarely encounter predators or

other threats to life and limb. But our bodies still

respond in the same way. We sense somethings

wrong, and we zoom right in to hyper-focus on it. But

its important to realize that were not to blame for it.

And thankfully, we dont have to be victims of our

biological natures. If you have a tendency to worry too

much, there are ways to tame that beast.

Those of you who practice mindfulness will recognize

the method of dealing with these thoughts in the

moment they arise. Take a breath, acknowledge the

thought, maybe label it, and let it go as best you can.

Even a tiny sliver of space between you and the

thought can help to take some of the edge off of it.

But Id like to address a different point today. What doyou do when the thoughts keep coming, no matter how

much you practice this way? When it seems we make

no headway over the long haul against this worry

beast?

Because our brains give disproportionately high

prominence to negative thoughts, it turns out we need

a lot more positive ones to counterbalance them.

Research suggests that we need five times more

positive thoughts than negative ones in order to reachan emotional equilibrium back at neutral. Five times!

So for example, research found that married couples

stay happy together when they have five times more

loving interactions than say, snapping at each other.

This magic five-to-one ratio seems to hold true in other

areas of life as well (heres an example). Its not so

much about having huge, heart-soaring joyful

moments. Its about noting many simple, little pleasant

ones like stopping to appreciate a beautiful autumn

day that make a difference.

This makes sense to me. If you take a glass-is-half-

empty view on life, having a few big happy occasions

even winning the lottery doesnt really turn things

around. (And remember, thats not your fault!) But by

being mindful of the many small pleasurable moments

in life, were gradually training our minds to take on

que una placentera-como un hermoso dade sol. As que estamos programadospara centrarnos en cualquier cosa quenos parezca no estar del todo bien.

En nuestros tiempos modernos, rara veznos encontramos con depredadores uotras amenazas que nos pongan en

graves riesgos. Pero nuestros cuerpostodava responden de igual forma.Sentimos que algo no est bien, einmediatamente enfocamos paraamplificar nuestra visin de maneradesmesurada. Pero es importante quenos demos cuenta que no tenemos laculpa de que as suceda.Y por suerte, no tenemos que servctimas de nuestras naturalezasbiolgicas. Si usted posee una tendencia

a preocuparse en demasa, hay formas dedomar esa bestia.

Aquellos de ustedes que practiquen laatencin consciente reconocern unmtodo de lidiar con dichospensamientos en el momento que surjan.Respire, reconozca el pensamiento,etiqutelo quizs, y djelo ir con tantagracia como pueda. Hasta un pequeitomargen de espacio entre el pensamiento

y usted puede desactivarlo.

Pero me gustara enfocar un puntodiferente hoy. Qu hacer cuando lospensamientos prosiguen, sin que importecuanto practiquemos en esta forma?Cuando no parecemos lograr ningnprogreso en nuestra lucha contra estabestia de la preocupacin?

Debido a que nuestros cerebros le dan

una prominencia desproporcionada anuestros pensamientos negativos, nosencontramos con que necesitamosmuchos ms pensamientos positivos paracontrarrestarlos. La investigacin pareceindicar que necesitamos cinco veces lacantidad de pensamientos positivos quelos negativos para alcanzar de nuevo atraer nuestro equilibrio emocional a unpunto neutro. Cinco veces!

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the habit of seeing the positive. Just like with any other

mindful change, its establishing a new habit that

counts.

I, for one, definitely used to be more of a glass-is-half-

empty person. To some extent, I think it was trained

into me with my previous profession. I was a corporate

project manager, and it was my job to worry about all

the things that could go wrong so I could plan

contingencies for them. Suffering from chronic

depression didnt help. Lots of negative habits had built

up there.

So one way to reverse a habit like this is to practice

appreciating the good. I admit that for the longest

time, I resisted the idea of a gratitude practice i.e.

explicitly noting (even writing down) what you

appreciate and are grateful for. It sounded too

superficial and Pollyanna-ish. (Sure sounds like a glass-

is-half-empty viewpoint, doesnt it?)

But Ive really come to see the value of doing it. What

makes this practice work is to stop and feel deep in my

bones why I appreciate something. Not just making

happy lists, but reconnecting with a genuine felt sense

of appreciation, pleasure, contentment, and the like. I

think its when we lose touch with that side of us that

were more susceptible to sliding down the slippery

slope of worry. Im training my mind to see that theres

actually another way to see things thats not about

things going wrong all the time.

So if youre a worrier, please take heart. I hope you

see that its just a habit, and habits can be changed.

What we focus our attention on, grows including the

positive. Yes, it takes some concerted effort to

overcome the weightiness of old habits. But the truth

is, they can be overcome.

Esta proporcin mgica de cinco a unoparece cumplirse, de manera similar, enotras reas de nuestras vidas. No setrata tanto de tener momentosgrandiosos, de una felicidad celestial. Setrata de estar atentos a los muchospequeos momentos agradables-como

detenernos a apreciar un hermoso daotoal-y esto resultar en una diferenciasustancial.

Esto para mi tiene sentido. Si toma ustedel punto de vista del vaso medio vaco enrelacin con la vida, teniendo unoscuantos grandes y felices eventos-comosacarnos la lotera- esto no hace que lascosas cambien de forma radical. (yrecuerde que no es su culpa!) Por otra

parte el estar conscientes de los muchospequeos momentos agradables de lavida, gradualmente estaremosentrenando nuestras mentes a adoptarun nuevo hbito que marcar ladiferencia.